Fletcher Quill Chapter 99

 

Thanks to one of San Francisco’s finest Police Detective’s Gary (Hardball!) Hunter a special visitor has arrived in complete secrecy to pow wow with the healing leader of what’s left of the free world. It is none other then the mini dictator from North Korea Kim Jong Illy...

 

The boys have been fly fishing on remote Lake Benson deep in Yosemite Park’s north end. The tent camp is plush and resplendent in the most powerful LSD and copious amounts of Graftganistany Hashish. It is 2am and Kimmy and the Black Messiah are intensely shooting the shit...

 

They are sitting with the Football (suitcase with Nuclear launch codes) between them and rolling huge fat-boy spliffs for the morning fly fishing action.
"Soooo Kimmmmy, how the fuck did you learn how to roll killer blunts like that?"

"I spent two weeks with Chinese President Hu Jintao at his crib in Changchun last month. He have the best shit in all Asia!

You have bang-bang launch codes in this case hey Boy President? We know how many poison arrows you have pointed at my Bad- Haircut fat ass. My son and I often play with our bang-bang codes, we aim Big Daddy 100000000 megaton at your back yard veggie garden!"

 

"Fucking excellent Kimmy, now don’t get too cocky there Mr. Salad Bowl haircut. By the by where did you get that whacked neck high common man outfit buddy/ better stop by Ralf Loren on the way home Dude."

 

"I made this trip to discuss an experiment we are conducting on another remote place, an Island near a live volcano. My scientists have genetically manipulated Monarch Butterflies and created a genus that weighs 100 pounds with fifty foot wing spans and one very special characteristic my young naive world leader."

 

"Ok, I give up, lay it on me little fashionista Dude."

 

"These giant butterflies instinctively search and find humans which they pick up and carry to high altitude and then drop them! We have so far raised twenty million of these special creatures, you like interesting special creatures don’t you Mr. President?"

 

"General’s Quill and Parker if you please put down that bag of shrooms and join this conversating boys.."

 

"Kimmy here has hisself an island over run with genetically altered Gigantus Butterfliasaurus Mortallus. They weigh in at over 100 pounds and are programed to scoop up pathetic helpless dumb ass humans sand then drop them from high altitude, is that about the wide and deep of your little newly created mass destruction weaponry program Kimmy?"

 

"Man, Kimmy you do roll perfect doobies soup bowl haircut."

 

"You American’s fucking kill me! My people don’t even know what cell phones look like. If I catch anyone asking pesky outside worldly freedom kinda questions, bang their dead!

Simple my Abraham Lincolnesque Boy President. Trying to get my own boy ready to dictate like his Daddy. Soooo, is true Mel Gibson can’t make a Wheaties commercial and Lindsey Lowhands is partying harder then Al Gore at a Masseuse convention?

 

And what about your entire American sports empire crumbling like Al Davis and his defanged Radereets? Your Bullshit economy won’t relight, your own twenty month tenure means nothing now that both houses will be lost in November.

 

You might as well be out in nowhereville watching these two drug addled dinosaur warriors catch fish and make sophomoric jokes all day!"

 

"Quill was that a line of dancing Fairies I just saw waltz through the fire pit Dude?"

 

The festivities quickly change as a large contingent of wondering Irish Fairies come to gambol and party down. They bring along an old Quill associate spirit and dear friend from the Socialist States Supreme Court Glory days, Justice William O Douglas.

 

 

"Adios once grand country of my youth.... Before I begin pontificating, you two fly fishers dear to my heart boys. I spoke with Teddy Roosevelt who stopped by your campfire last week. You Kim Jung, how many nukes you have aimed at California.

 

"I read your Autobio Mr. Douglas you were more dangerous then fat boy Tony S. In his overweight dreams."

 

"This is true my rice eating little mini pricktator. How many spliffs have you sucked on this morning Sonny Boy?"

 

"Sooo, you listened to my tale of new race of killer Butterflies Mr. I love the outdoors Justasss?"

 

"Brilliant, genetic manipulation will eventually create a new human race void of all the detectives now called by many names. The times of random natural selection are long gone. If you read Paul Greens best selling new book " Four Fish " the disintegration of almost all ocean wild stocks is the ugly truth. These silly naive kids who imagine this fucked up world can be saved or fixed make me laugh. This planet is done, finito."

 

"Justice Douglas known for being extremely independent lover of the wild and nobodies boy ever hey Willy D."

 

"You going to have to be awfully cagy to put Fat Tony Scalia in the right place Quill. When your finished playing with these beautiful wild Rainbow Trout get your ancient ass on top of your team of Brief sorting assistants and begin doing two things, First hire a high class private dick to give you everything on all nine members of the current court.

Number two take that insane personal fortune of your’s and begin hiding it in other countries quickly!

 

"Keep your self surrounded by old Marine veterans and old Pal’s. watch your ass Irishmen, Fat Tony S. Will stop at nothing to neutralize you Jarhead!"

"General Parker get Jimmy Ferguson on the horn pronto, Jimmy has to get Kimmy on his HD radio sports, culture show."

 

"Jimmy, Wolfmeister Buddy, look here Mr. HD Radio, I’m going to have my new best Pal Kimmy Jung Illy here do an exclusive interview with you Barbecue maniac. One thing, please ask him what kind of sauces he uses when he and his crew barbecue puppies and kitties along with rats or whatever else?"

 

"Man, you have Kim Jung there with you now Quill?"

 

"Uh huh, here shoot the shit with the little smart ass pricktator now he is welll fucked up and doing another huge bong hit of that insane Grafsganistany Hashish. Before I go Mr. Radio I’m sending you E-Mail photos of the fat Bow’s we been catching by the dozen Buddy. Here is the Kimster, stop coughing Kimster you Puppy dog munching motherfucker... "

 

"Dukester think I needs to hear the meows’ of me other best friend in this fucked up world Pally, gonna call the castle and get Timba me cat on the horn, gotta hear that meow now!"

 

"How much of this brain candy did you eat Mr. Justassssss? I’ll call the castle for ya Jarhead, sit your ass down and tie us up a mess of those Mosquito’s the full moon is out so why are we not on the lake Dude? I can hear them jumping. Here is your cat Timba, stoner. See ya on the water...."

 

"Timba, Timba, my best boy...."

 

"Meow, meowwwww"

 

"Excuse me Sir, Timba has begun chasing mice again. You have had several messages from an Italian speaking young woman. Something about once being your main squeeze and wanting a rematch. She also mentioned being in the International Assassin Biz oddly enough! Your Castle and your cat and your staff awaits Master Quill."

"Drake, have the Italian Goddess call me pronto, I will be back before court starts in a week or so. If Sharon bounces in we have to get rid of her somehow. Gotta go trout are jumping."